Taking Chances

Life is about taking chances...

Right?

I feel like if you don't take chances, and take that leap that is solely based on faith...

Then you may always look back and wonder why.

I don't think that I ever really used to take chances, I mean, it seemed at the time that I did. But looking back I see now that they weren't as big as I thought.

Or maybe they were,

Its just that once I took it, I saw it wasn't as bad as the one in front of me.

Make sense?

Yeah, probably not.

Anyways. . . My point is, life is about taking chances.

Grabbing the bull by the horns.

You gotta do it. And it really is true what they say.

What is the absolute worst that can happen? When you think of the absolute worst answer, it really isn't that bad, you think you can live through it, if it came true. But sometimes the reality can be more painful...

And that's what holds us back.

The fear of what reality could be.

But I think that more often then not, the reality could be exactly what we want, but the fear holds us back from venturing there, and taking that leap.

... But if you want something, whatever it is ... it should be bigger than the fear of what you could lose. Otherwise you may always just sit back and wonder.

Because its based on faith, hope, love. There is nothing concrete to tell us everything will be okay.

But the bottom line is... (and this is my absolute favorite quote by ... I do not remember who)

"Everything will be okay in the end, if its not okay, then its not the end."

I moved halfway across the country, based on a leap of faith. And let me tell you I had not ONE clue how I was going to manage.

But somehow I did. And even as some days seemed to get worse and worse, they just got better and better.. I just didn't see it at the time.

The worst thing that could have happened to me was that I couldn't find a job, place to live, ran out of money, and had to move back home.

But I made it. I DID IT!

I took a chance, ran on faith, hope, and love, and somehow came out the other side alive.

And that's not the only thing. I find myself taking chances now that I would have NEVER taken in the past.

In fear of what I thought reality could be, and in fear of the "absolute worst result".

And I surprise myself, and I am sure I would be surprising a lot of other people as well.

Its all about letting everything go, and just taking a chance.

Thought of the day:

"In order for you to succeed,
Your desire for success should be greater,
Than your fear of failure."

- Bill Cosby -

Stress Free Stress

I find myself...

Happy.

I had a conversation with my brother when I seemed to be at my worst... And if it wasn't my worst then it was surely close.

We talked about a few things, and one of them was that if you want something, truly want something then you need to make that your goal.

The thing is however, you don't have to have a road map on how to get there.

You just need to write it down, or tuck it away in the back of your mind and every once in a while bring it back to surface.

My goal was to be happy.

Simple as that. I didn't have a clue as to how I was going to get there, what steps I had to take.

But the point was that you don't have to have a way to get there. Once you set your goal, just continue to live your life and it'll just seem to work its way there.

It's not that I wasn't happy before, its just that going thru some things, processing, starting over seems to take a toll on you and it takes some time to figure everything out.

Once I set my goal, its like the universe lined everything up together and things just started to work in my favor.

Its amazing how once you leave things be, they finally come together.

Whats even more amazing is that my stress and anxiety doesn't come from the same place that it used to. . .

And that is an amazing relief.

Its no longer about abuse, the church I left, trying to figure out where I go from here...

Now my stress is more along the lines of what a 21 year old's stress SHOULD be coming from.

Things like boys. Or boy. Singular.

And what jeans look cuter for the cheaper price. . .

Which movie would be better to go see, or will I regret staying out this late when I have to work in the morning. . .

Its stress that is stress free...

And put all that aside...

I find myself confident.

Confident in myself, with my decisions, choices, and life.

The funny thing about confidence is that if it takes a few hard hits, it tends to go away.

But it is possible for it to re-surface.

And once it does... There really is no stopping.

Thought of the day

"The greatest pleasure in life,
is doing what people say you cannot do."

- Walter Bagehot -

People

In my personal opinion ... (again, not to confuse with professional)

People are trusting by nature. I mean if you think about it, since day one you trust your parents, siblings, family, friends, teachers, neighbors... and the list goes on.

But as you start to get older people start to let you down. Because we are all human, and that's just they way that life works.

Naturally, usually, you start to put up a wall or a bridge or something to help keep you safe from being let down, disappointment, or being burned.

But sometimes someone sneaks through and is able to take your trust and then throw it back in your face.

And THEN, you put on your shocked face.

I mean, it happened before, its happening now, (hypothetically speaking) and its going to happen again in the future. But for some reason we as people just don't see it coming.

Or maybe its that we don't WANT to see it coming. Because we worked so hard at protecting ourselves...

So when I think about this more... its almost like... if I can't protect myself... then who can?

So we are just floored when someone turns out to be not so nice...

But.. the more I think about this... the more I am thinking...

I mean, I feel like that as people we do the same thing when the opposite is true.

When someone is trustworthy, or turns out to be rather nice, we are floored.

Again.

Hold on... let me get my shocked face again...

But that makes me sad in all reality. Because shouldn't we expect the most from everyone? Shouldn't we expect people to treat us right from the beginning? Buuut... then that takes me back.

Because we started off expecting that from day one, then people started to let us down.

Okay it makes sense... but its kind of a vicious circle.

I don't know if I should even be using the word "people" and "we" because I am just one person... and I can only speak for myself.

But I've been told recently that its noticeable that I was raised right.

(Props ma n' pa)

And I think I have to agree... I mean, it's really pretty simple.

Do your best. Treat people right. Be nice. Tell the truth. Work hard.

I think that's about the gist of it... But sometimes I don't think its that simple for everyone... But really, its just back to the basics...

And if everyone went back to the basics... I think the world would be a better place.

Annnnd that's my long winded two cents that I am sure doesn't make much sense.

Thought of the day:

"Don't wait for people to be kind,
Show them how."

-Author Unknown-

There are a lot of things that I want to start doing again.

Like reading... I have a rather large collection of books that I read and re-read. And ones I have never touched but eventually do get around to.

Or playing the piano more. I really want to learn more music and I guess just continue to teach myself how to play better.

Or there are things that I want to start to do. Because I have never done them before.

Like photography. I "feel" like I could be good at it... But that's just a feeling... I tend to get those sometimes. And sometimes I am just not quite right.

USUALLY... I do these things in the winter months because it's cold, and snowy, and no one ever wants to go outside...

But it's warm here. All the time.

Don't let these Texans fool you. It's really not cold here.

Anywho...

Back to doing things...

I want to get into photography, just on the side as a hobby. But I have a few fears...

One. I may buy a nice expensive camera and then never use it.

Two. Start taking pictures and find out that I really should have just stuck with my regular camera because the pictures really aren't that different.

Three. I will be just plain horrible at it.

But the thing is I cannot let my fear hold me back. . . If I suck at it, then I will just sell my camera.

OR... I could take classes and become better. Learn, and become an expert.

I am not an expert. On anything.

And this isn't just about photography. Its about life basically.

I am not an expert. Altho I truly wish I was some days.

I mean, I can't take classes on life. But maybe that's what life is. One big class. One big lesson.

School wasn't all that boring anyways. I can take it.

But I guess if I am trying to make a point it is this...

No one is really an expert on anything. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING in life seems to be trial and error. You try one thing one way, and if it's and epic fail, then you try another way... or give up.

Sometimes, okay most of the time, I usually do not know, nor can I picture the outcome of something when I head into it.

AND, if I THINK I can see the outcome I am usually WAAY off base by the time I actually get there.

And oh my gosh... I just love it.

Life just keeps getting better and better.

Thought of the day

" I'm an idealist.
I don't know where I'm going,
but I'm on my way."

- Carl Sandburg -

The Sea...

I think I fell in love this weekend.

Its a new relationship...

I want to see where it goes... But I have high hopes for us.

Maybe I can even move in soon...

I am really ready to drop everything and move on down to the sea.

(I know I am so corny :)) I love it tho!)

Back in August or September when we went to the beach for the day it was truly amazing.

But this time... spending the whole weekend there, waking up to the sound of the waves crashing on the beach...

The slight fog that is covering the beach...

The shells that are spread across the sand, never ending.

There is just something about the sea... It is so therapeutic.

I will most definitely be going back there this weekend. Its an affair I want to continue.

And I have pretty much become addicted to shelling. . .

Once I started, I just couldn't stop... And I would look behind me and cant even see where my spot on the beach was.

And that sun! HOLY WHA!

I am sure that people thought we were absolutely nuts for swimming around in there in January... But hey, we're from the north so really we don't know any better.

But really, the gulf was so much warmer than I have ever felt in Lake Michigan. Ever.

I even got sunburn on my face. And I truly cannot complain.

Thought of the day

"Try to learn something about everything
and everything about something."

-Thomas Henry Huxley-

A New Year...

Bringing in the new year I feel so much hope... and I truly feel like this year is going to be amazing.

It may not be...

But I just have this feeling and I cannot shake it.

I seriously feel like this year is going to be packed with so much opportunity and new chances...

New beginnings...

If I look back at this past year I cannot say that I am displeased.

I've learned a lot about people this past year... and I sure have learned a whole lot about myself.

I have taken a major shift in my life and I sometimes do not recognize myself... and I can also see the person I have always been.

I find myself surprising me ... not realizing the strength I have had all along.

I have learned to say what I truly feel... I have learned to not let people walk over me... or belittle me... I have learned to set up boundaries and have learned to let people in.

What the biggest thing is for me... Is that I know that if I can do this... I can do anything.

If I am able to start completely over... in a new part of the country, not really knowing anyone, find a job, find friends, and find myself...

Then there really isn't anything that I cannot do.

So here is my goodbye to last year...

And my hello to this year.

I mean... There were times this past year, when all I wanted to do was give up... But I didn't, and I see now that just made me all the stronger.

So quite frankly, whatever this year has in store for me I am ready.

Hell, I am so excited.

Bring. It. On.

"Goodbye to you,
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew"

-Michelle Branch-

Me

I cannot change who I am.

Even when I want to.... Or when I think I have changed.

I cannot do it.

It pretty much seems impossible.

I've thought that for some time now that part of me was gone. That part of me... my personality... who I was, was lost when I walked away.

That maybe I wasn't who I thought I was...

Maybe I was just trying my damndest to fit in. Stretching and reaching and making up parts of me that weren't really me?

And then....

I laughed again.

And I mean I really really laughed.

And it felt like the sun was shining through every part of my being.

I felt like I was woken up from a looong sleep.

And then it happened again.

And more and more I am starting to really feel alive again. I really cannot tell you how exhilarating it is.

Maybe I am who I am.

Maybe I am who I always thought I was.

Maybe I am that bubbly, happy, positive, usually always smiling person.

It just took me some time to find her again...

And man....

Am I glad that I did.

Thought of the day:

"Your vision will become clear
Only when you look into your heart.
Who looks outside, dreams.
Who looks inside, awakens."

- Carl Jung -